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Good evening.

It's been a crazy journey. I'm thankfull to everyone who helped and supported me. After a few thinking, I've decided to leave Blooger and join Wordpress. Here's the link to my new website: https://www.realitystwisted.wordpress.com/ .

In the next few days, I will be posting my old texts and later on I'll publish new ones. Thank you for your patience. But this is something new.

Have a lovely day! ♥

피 땀 눈물 (Dark Version)

Burning roses
Land of no where
Our dreams are broken
Our dreams have fallen
Drop them into the ocean

Shall I be saved?
Wonderful Demon, don't fly away
End all this pain
Ants walking through our veins
Turning folding and twisting bones

Another time, another day
Nothing will ever save us, anyway
Drowning into the ocean, all the way

Tears falling off my face
Ears bleeding out without a trace
And a mouth screaming out your name
Running into the darkness
Seaking for someone heartless

[Now read the first letter of each verse]

피 땀 눈물 (Light Version)

Be who you want to be
Let all the pain go
One step at a time is all you need to take
Only one step
Don't be afraid

Say what you really mean
Whenever you want
Every time someone tries to bring you down
And, if it actually happens,
Turn around, say 'fuck you' and smile

Anyway,
Now you don't have to be afraid anymore
Don't run away

Take that fear you have inside of you and turn it into confidence
Eventhough you might be afraid
And lost
Run after your dreams
Seak for your happiness

[Now read the first letter of each verse]

I want to cry and I don't know why

I don't know what happening with me. I just want to cry, you know? I don't have any particular reason to do it. I just feel depressed.

I'm surrounded by fake people pretending to be my friends; the people I want to have by my side are too far away. I feel like I push them away, eventhough I don't want them to leave me.

I don't understand myself. This is affecting me way too much. I can't even spend a day without getting depressed. I have to leave this noted. I feel an extreme anxiety inside of me, a lump in my throat as if I'm not able to speak, to express myself. I hate revenges. It breaks my heart.

I never remember that I write differently when I'm sad, anguished. I always think no one will notice it but people know me too well. It's starting to become difficult to hide. Although, sometimes, people don't seems to undertsand... They must be tired of dealing with a crazy and depressed girl who keeps complaining about life and only sees the negative aspects about society itself.

And, with this,... Time passes by, our memories stay, the past becomes extincted, the present extends and the future is unexpected.

Letter to my future-self (in 10 years from now)

Hello Bea,

Do you still want people to treat you by your nickname? I hope so. I also hope that, by the time you read this letter, you have your life figured out and your dreams come true, eventhough you didn't even knew what your dreams were ten years ago.

Do you still love cats as much as you used to do? Because I remember you wanted to have a lot of cats when you moved out from your parents house. But don't be like Cat Lady, please. That's not good for you. Since we're talking about animals... Have you lost your fear of dogs? I really hope you did. You can't live like that forever. Nobody should live in fear.

I hope you have a stable job, the job you wanted since High School and that you're happy about it. Translation, was it? The degree you wanted to take at college? Yes, it was. I remember very clearly. You need to start believing more in yourself. You can do this!

I hope your love is as strong as it was ten years ago. You're so lucky, you have no idea! What about marriage and kids? Did it happen, already? Honestly, I hope it didn't. You're so young! You have plenty of time to have children of your own.

Now, tell me about books... How many do you have? 100? 1000? Yeah, I know you're an obsessive reader. You always were. I don't expect less than your own library at home.

Anyway, I hope everything works out fine. You deserve to be happy. Actually, everybody deserves happiness. Just live your life and do the things that make you happy. You won't regret it.

Read again at Wednesday, 30th September 2026

If only I could end it once and for all...

It looks like I deserve to be alone.

I push people away from me without even noticing. I'm annoying. I can tell that people get bored around me. What's the big deal, anyway? Why am I like this? Why is my mind so fucking complicated to understand?

I suddenly start to cry. At first, I thought I had no reason to cry... But then, I remembered the huge amount of reasons and I cry even harder.

I can't stop the tears from falling off my face. I'm perplexed.

No one wants to be with an insecure person who only cries... How can I express my feelings if even I don't know what I cry about? It's painful...

Anguish... There's anguish all around me. In my body, in my soul, in my heart, in my brain.

It's meaningless. Everything happens at the same time.

If only I could end it once and for all...

人は失敗から学ぶ。

人は失敗から学ぶ。

People learn from their mistakes. That's what I always tell myself.

I would say that some people aren't capable of taking a lesson from them. I'd really like to know why it happens. Sometimes you might hear that there are no second mistakes because you learn from the first one. Therefore, the second time you make the same mistake, it isn't a actually one; it's something different and called "a choice".

If you think about it, you will notice that people are just too distracted, nowadays. They don't stop to remember if their actions will afect others. They don't even think about others before thinking about themselves.

I try my best not to hurt anyone (I even prefer to hurt myself instead of making others suffer), but I feel like I don't get the same feedback. I have to admit that it drives me insane.

When life changes to be harder, change yourself to be stronger

That's what I did, or at least tried. There were moments in my life where I felt lost, hopeless and afraid of what the future would bring to me.

Moving away was hard. I "locked up" myself back then and now it's hard to trust anyone. The problems I had, the thoughts that would travel through my mind, the feelings I had, everything was kept to myself. Only myself.

I stopped sharing things with my friends and my family. I think I felt like a burden, so I didn't wanted to bother them. All those deep and dark thoughts I had just stayed up inside my head, because it's where they belong, right? The truth is I was kind of afraid of my own thoughts and it's not like someone would actually want to hear them.

I used to see the world from a different perspective: everything became darker by day. I used to think that people were mean and that they would help others just to feel better about themselves, just to fulfill that emptiness inside their hearts.

Four years ago, moving away was hard. Music was my only friend. I listened to music all day, everyday. I never got bored. Some songs touched my soul and some lyrics got into my heart. It was the light at the end of the tunnel. It was my escape from reality. Because I started living in a world of my one, overthinking hurted really bad. But there's always hope. There's always someone to "light up" your world.

Somehow, and I never knew why I kept thinking like that, the only thing that kept me connect with everything around me, the only thing that would make me happy, was taken away from me when I needed it the most. I guess things don't last forever. Nothing lasts forever, unfortunately.

Despair ≠ Hope

Despair

(n)
1. loss of hope; hopelessness.
2. someone or something that causes hopelessness:
He is the despair of his mother.

Despair. The only thing that can fight hope.
It's hard when you can't even control yourself. You begin to fade... Ceasing to be myself because you're so blind, so sick, so desperate. Also, you're so lonely... But many people feel just like you.
I don't think there's any chances these scars will disappear. They're printed in my souls, they won't come out. Maybe it's better this way.


Hope

(n)
1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best:
to give up hope.
2. a particular instance of this feeling:
the hope of winning.
3. grounds for this feeling in a particular instance:
There is little or no hope of his recovery.
4. a person or thing in which expectations are centered:
The medicine was her last hope.
5. something that is hoped for:
Her forgiveness is my constant hope.

Hope. The only thing that can fight despair.
Hope keeps us together, searching for our goals. It gives us strength to look forward, to face our destiny.
I'll never forget what helped me fighting my enemies. Hope. When there's hope, there's everything. You might have to let some things behind, but maybe it's better this way.

I can't think straight right now

I can't think straight right now.
I feel the world collapsing around me.
I have no where to go.
No where to be.
No where to feel safe.

I can't think straight right now.
Because the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I don't know what to do.
I'm not ready to fight.
I'm not ready to fall and fail again.
I'm not ready.
I'm just... Not ready.

I can't think straight right now.
Because everything I do seems to be wrong.
Every single thing is wrong.
It's not my fault.
I try. I try very hard.
I just...

I can't think straight right now.
I feel the world collapsing around me.
I don't have strength to stand up.
Oh God, please have mercy for this poor soul.
Guide me home.

You don't want to know about the things that go on inside my head

I've always had a lot of insecurities about my body and about being a woman myself. Maybe because I'm short or because I feel fat, or even because I don't have the boob size I want, but I guess I'm not the only one. There are plenty of young women feeling that way too, and that's not okay.

I've always felt watched, from top to bottom, by random men on the streets or simply from guys at school. Maybe it was all just inside my head but, when you dislike your own body, those kind of things happen. Your brain tends to create situations that are not exactly there in the first place.

There are days where I feel confident about myself, but most of the days I feel the most insecure person you could ever meet. It comes a lot from the society we live in. Everyday, we are targeted by standard and unrealistic sizes of skinny models and everytime we see one of those girls, all we do is to complain about ourselves. Anorexia. Bulimia. Self harm. These are just a few ways to end up the pain for a little while.

Even not totally accepting my body right now, I'm happy because I met the right guy, the one who makes me feel good about myself, and even sexy. I don't know how he can be so cheerful and positive about it [I guess I've always had a negative mind], but I'm thankfull for that.

«And they say that a hero could save us, I'm not gonna stand here and wait»

There are paths we don't want to take. Not because they are exhausting or difficult, just because we don't have enough courage to step foward and take that decision.

People look up for miracles when they need them the most. But when miracles fail, who's gonna fight for them? That's when heroes come in the scene. What do heroes do? Heroes fight monsters. And it doesn't matter what type of monsters they fight - monsters under our beds, monsters in our heads, monsters in our dreams - they will always be there, for us.

I've chosen the path of the heroes. Is it hard? Yes. Yes, it is. But I will always stand up for what I believe in. I will no longer allow injustice to win.

Who said heroes war capes? After all, heroes are people just like you and me. Although, what stands them out is their braveness, their ability to face the enemy and their capacity for helping others.

And they say 
That a hero could save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away 

 - Nickelback - Hero

Hell is where we live: the thoughts of a Portuguese student

We kill ourselves to study. We sacrifice leisure moments and funny times with our friends to study. For what? In order to see our grades going down. To see them falling two or more values ​​relatively to a grade avarage we strive to keep for three entire years. Now we are ready to kiss our dreams goodbye.

They evaluate us for two hours with the same "dignity" from which our teachers evaluate each one of us for two or three years. Yes, because we all had exams of Geography and Biology, or Portuguese and History, with complicated subjects. We had two weeks to study what we were taught about during those same years.

And, now we can admire all of those who plotted our lives, making us worry about exams and whether we can or not take the degree we want at a decent university. From the gentlemen of IAVE to the ones of the Ministry of Education, also passing by exams' brokers.

And we have to thank them, also, for giving us, from now on, less than a week to study for the second phase of the exams. Right after this, I will ask someone to put me in a mental hospital.

Besides everything, we continue to fight for a better world.

«They tried to cut my wings. I just flew away.»

Highway to Happiness

Happiness isn't based on desires; it is necessary for individuals to fight for their happiness. In other words, we must seek until we find it.

Otherwise, sometimes we worry too much about seeking for happiness that we forget that it is under our eyes. Being happy is hearing the first words of a child, receiving a love declaration or even relaxing by listening to the gentle sounds of nature.

Being happy is to have gratitude towards life and realizing that difficulties result in personal enrichment.

In one way or another, you may find what makes you deeply happy, or just might learn with your mistakes. It is up to you to find your own way of happiness.

♥ LOVE ♥

                                    amare ♥ love ♥ الحب ♥ amour ♥ liebe ♥ amor ♥ 사랑

Love.
Love keeps our hearts warm and appears unannounced.
It is an unconditional affection with no limits or conditions, no age or race, no nationality or culture.

You were the most sweet surprise I could ever wish for. When I say that I would be nothing without you, believe me, I'm telling the truth. You were my first love. The first boy I thought was beautiful. The boy I was afraid to talk to because I was too shy and I didn't want to mess things up.

With you, everything becomes easier. The world around us gets simpler. Reality changes. I feel free to express myself as who I really am. I can stop hiding all the thoughts I never told and all the feelings I have because I know that I can trust you.

Sometimes I'm too annoying. I keep telling you to take care. I keep worrying about you. I just want you to be alright, to be safe. It's just that... My heart breaks every time you're angry, sad or hurt. I suffer along with you. I also laugh with you. I would become a clown if I had to just to make you smile again. Gosh, you get more beautiful every time you smile. [You're beautiful anyway.]

There's so many things I want to tell you, but I can't find the right words for it. I guess actions are more truthful than words. Therefore, I hope my feelings are understood by the way I act, but also by the clumsy words I say. ☺

αγαπώ ♥ amare ♥ 爱 ♥ miłość ♥ люблю ♥ 愛 ♥ обичам

Water. Fire. Black. White.

I want to write. Write what's in my soul, without anything stopping or censuring me. But I don't know about what.
I feel that words fail every time I try to project them on the paper.
Empty words, without connection, are being formed in my mind. And no matter how many attempts I do, no matter how hard I try, they won't fit. They are the opposite of each other.

Water. Fire. Black. White. Dark. Light. Tall. Short.
Opposed as everything in this life.
Everything's sensitive, unnoticeable. So cold, getting colder. Just without connection. So barely spoken.
Nothing makes sense.

And here I am. Lost, rambling in secret and obscure thoughts, never spoken before.
Difficult to understand? Difficult is trying to write when our minds go around and around and around, trying to find themselves and getting lost more and more.

Difficult is to find our path.

«A person who doesn't read = a body with an empty soul»

A book is an open door to the evolution and represents the path to wisdom. A house, to be considered a house, needs to have books. They tell their owners story better than anyone else.

Every time I read a book, I feel that I'm part of the story that is being told. I feel like I'm teleported into the book and I automatically take the role of the main character. It feels like you lost all sense of reality and everything that's happening around you.

[credits to Diego Lezama]

Reading a book is a complicated task: we want read more and more until we discover the end of the story, but we also want to "preserve" the book and read it calmly, so that we can "taste" it for a longer time.

«And I'm at Peace Again...»

Sweet. Deep. Mysterious. Sensual. This is the sea.

«I feel the salty waves come in

I feel them crash against my skin»

                                                     (Panic! At The Disco)


It can delight me more and more as time goes by.
Its waves resemble storms when they clash vigorously on the rocks. Its deep blue color magnifies itself in the darkness.

And I wonder how there could be anything as beautiful and magnificent as the sea. How can the king of the storms turn into something so soft and serene?

It brings fullness to my soul when I listen to the sound of the waves sliding through the sand and coming back again to where they belong. It's something that only it, the sea can provide.

[credits to Tumblr]

Wild Sense of Soul

It's difficult to make a difference, especially when you're a small drop in the ocean. Small, very small. I'm that "drop in the ocean": one as many others, trying to make something different and create something new.

I try to be strong. That's what I'm known of. But sometimes it's hard. I want to help other people. I need to be strong to protect them. [That's how I see myself.]

I always act very rational, that's why I'm able to help everyone around me. The problem gets big when I forget that I'm a human being and I that have my own feelings. When something bad happens to me, I feel like someone threw a rock at my stomach, I feel like I have a knot at my throat. And I hate to be this fragile... But sometimes it's good to be helped. [It's okay, it happens to everyone.]

Why am I "sweating from my eyes"? Because, I held on for too long, that I forgot how it felt to cry, to be sad, to fake a smile. Now, tears fall off my eyes without a single effort. I don't stop it; it's the only way I can feel better. Also, it "cleans my soul".

Naivety

People are never who we think they are. They'll leave you when they don't need you anymore. They will ignore you, eventhought you did nothing to deserve it. They will forget about you when you need them the most. And, the funniest part of all, they'll beg you for help after what they did to you.

I feel blind for all these years. I thought they were something but, in the end, they got the opportunity to reveal themselves [it doesn't even matter].

I want to cry, but I can't. I feel like my heart is being pushed even futher inside my body. [I'm losing everyone].

Now I understand how childish they are. It was always in front of me, but I wasn't able to see it. I guess it was just a matter of time.

«And I think to myself... What a wonderful world»

I want to travel.
Tokyo, London, New York.
I want to explore. To get lost. To be found.

Life is a crazy journey; a ride without destination. It's full of steps, hopes and dreams.

[credits to Tumblr]

I want to see the world with my own eyes. I want to be in contact with different cultures and new people. I want to learn about other ways of living.

Travelling is the best way you have to find yourself. You will surely get smarter than if you were closed inside a classroom. Don't be afraid of what's on the other side of the ocean. There are plenty of adventures waiting for you.☺☻

Make a change

I can't do anything. I can't think clearly. I'm tired, exhausted, stressed. Only he can be my escape.

-

Reality isn't that good for human kind. We live in a fucked up world, divided by religions, politicians and beliefs. We can no longer live in harmony. We can't even express ourselves... How will we save this cursed world?

I clean my eyes as the tears fall down my face. Is this the world I want to live in? Is this the legacy I want to leave to our future generations? Future doesn't seem bright. Actually, future never looked darker. There is no light at the end of the tunel. No chances. No solutions. Not even a miracle can save us.

I should be doing something for the world, but instead I'm writing this. [Useless] I guess I've always been good with words, not with actions. But you can't live in its shadow forever. You need to fight. You need to do something. Even if you don't have confidence in yourself, do it; don't think twice. Don't get stuck at "what if's".

Life may be hard sometimes. Nobody said it was easy.

Hope

Hope.
That's what keeps us moving.
That's what keeps us thinking, searching and exploring.

Hope is what keeps people together in difficult times.
It gives us strength to look forward, to face our destiny.
It helps us planning our future.

You might feel "down" sometimes but, when there's hope, there's everything.
Hope is the reason.
Hope is the way.
Hope is the answer.

Hope gives you a new chance to change your life, to follow your dreams, to fight for what you believe in.

Hope moves the masses.

Four letters, one word: HOPE.

The stars in the sky when there's no moon to shine ♥

One year. I can't believe it's been so long.
A year next to the person I love the most.
I still feel the chills and the butterflies in the stomach whenever I see him.
No words can describe what I feel.
By his side, everything becomes easier.
My fears disappear.
I become more spontaneous and happy as I never felt before.
By his side, everything becomes brighter..
He's my world.
Gorgeous. Honest. Unique. Special.
My shinning star.
He's the Yang to my Yin. ♥

Existential Anguish

I feel useless. But no one cares. No one did. No one will.
What am I doing here? Nothing. I'm just wasting other people's time.
What's my purpose? None. I have no purpose.
Who am I trying to fool? Only me, apparently.
I'm just an empty soul like many others. An empty soul in an empty body.
I have no goals. I have no dreams. I have no future.
I feel lonely but I'm not alone. I have this little demon inside my head that keeps telling me what to do.
My thoughts are too loud. I want to, but I can't turn them off. It's not that easy.
I feel broken. Broken in a way that I can not be fixed again.
It breaks me into pieces when I have to sacrifice something. I'm not a bad person. I just... I just...

-

I see things. I see things other people will never see. It scares me, sometimes.
People are too blind. Blind with themselves.
Can you imagine?
I never keep my thoughts straight. I guess I've always been distracted.
Distracted about life itself. About me. About others.
Why are my eyes sweating? Why they keep doing this?
Maybe they have their own lives. Maybe they are trying to tell me something.
To be fine. To be safe. To fight.
That's what I'll do.
But... Who am I, anyway?

Disembosom

[Finally got the courage I needed to post this. When it comes to death, we never know how to react or what to say. After a year, I can finally speak.
It was an honor to have you by my side all these years. I'm sure I will never find anyone like you.
I can't even count on hand the years that we've been together. Since I found you abandoned and begged my mom to let me bring you home with us that I haven't been the same. Remembering the bites and the scratches you gave me keeps my heart warm. And makes me think of how much I miss that.
And, of course, I couldn't write this without tears falling off my face, but it's the least I can do for you, my dear.]

RIP 20.03.2015 ❤

弘怜 [Guren]

Don't let me go
I don't think I can do this on my own

Don't let me fall
Wounds won't heal without you, after all

So search for the red lotus
To make me pure again
To end all these problems
And to set me free of sin

Disappointment

It's awful when you feel played by someone you care about. It's like that person just cares for you when they need you. It feels like you've been fooled, but you just can't believe that yet.
You try to figure out what's wrong, and then you think "It's me. I'm wrong.". But your not. Believe me, your not wrong at all. The person who forgot about you is the one and only guilty.
From a moment to another, he/she stops noticing you. You've always been there for them, but they simply forgot about you. After that, they talk to you like nothing happened.
It's tiring. Exhausting. Selfish.

Reflection

«Sometimes inspiration sneaks away, disappears, and I wonder if I would really take certain decisions in this situation. The answer never reaches me. I feel like I run after something I truly want, but that something escapes from me faster and faster, without a trace.

I never really get to understand my feelings, those who evoce in me emotions that I can not control, that I can not even explain.

The pain. Ohh, the pain, is the worst to control: the suffer, the anguish, the despair. Each one of them takes away a little piece of me; just one more fault of mine for which I'm unable to correct.

A cherry blossom falls in front of me. How I love these trees. How they make me feel calm and serene. How they make a free spirit. I sit under one of them and I imagine how would it be if I had chosen another path about the decisions I made in the past. I am here, isolated from what's around me and from the world I live in. I lay back to the tree as I close my eyes. Tomorrow I manage to find my true self.»

Introducing myself

Hello!

My name is Inori Yuzuriha (it's a pseudonym, of course) and I live somewhere in the deep darkness.
I created this blog to share my thoughts with everyone who wants to read them. I hope you can relate with my posts; if you don't, feel free to express yourself in the comment section below. If you're going through a difficult phase in your life, don't hesitate on ask for help. I'd be glad if I could help with anything.

Hope to see you around,

Inori :)