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Good evening.

It's been a crazy journey. I'm thankfull to everyone who helped and supported me. After a few thinking, I've decided to leave Blooger and join Wordpress. Here's the link to my new website: https://www.realitystwisted.wordpress.com/ .

In the next few days, I will be posting my old texts and later on I'll publish new ones. Thank you for your patience. But this is something new.

Have a lovely day! ♥

피 땀 눈물 (Dark Version)

Burning roses
Land of no where
Our dreams are broken
Our dreams have fallen
Drop them into the ocean

Shall I be saved?
Wonderful Demon, don't fly away
End all this pain
Ants walking through our veins
Turning folding and twisting bones

Another time, another day
Nothing will ever save us, anyway
Drowning into the ocean, all the way

Tears falling off my face
Ears bleeding out without a trace
And a mouth screaming out your name
Running into the darkness
Seaking for someone heartless

[Now read the first letter of each verse]

피 땀 눈물 (Light Version)

Be who you want to be
Let all the pain go
One step at a time is all you need to take
Only one step
Don't be afraid

Say what you really mean
Whenever you want
Every time someone tries to bring you down
And, if it actually happens,
Turn around, say 'fuck you' and smile

Anyway,
Now you don't have to be afraid anymore
Don't run away

Take that fear you have inside of you and turn it into confidence
Eventhough you might be afraid
And lost
Run after your dreams
Seak for your happiness

[Now read the first letter of each verse]

I want to cry and I don't know why

I don't know what happening with me. I just want to cry, you know? I don't have any particular reason to do it. I just feel depressed.

I'm surrounded by fake people pretending to be my friends; the people I want to have by my side are too far away. I feel like I push them away, eventhough I don't want them to leave me.

I don't understand myself. This is affecting me way too much. I can't even spend a day without getting depressed. I have to leave this noted. I feel an extreme anxiety inside of me, a lump in my throat as if I'm not able to speak, to express myself. I hate revenges. It breaks my heart.

I never remember that I write differently when I'm sad, anguished. I always think no one will notice it but people know me too well. It's starting to become difficult to hide. Although, sometimes, people don't seems to undertsand... They must be tired of dealing with a crazy and depressed girl who keeps complaining about life and only sees the negative aspects about society itself.

And, with this,... Time passes by, our memories stay, the past becomes extincted, the present extends and the future is unexpected.

Letter to my future-self (in 10 years from now)

Hello Bea,

Do you still want people to treat you by your nickname? I hope so. I also hope that, by the time you read this letter, you have your life figured out and your dreams come true, eventhough you didn't even knew what your dreams were ten years ago.

Do you still love cats as much as you used to do? Because I remember you wanted to have a lot of cats when you moved out from your parents house. But don't be like Cat Lady, please. That's not good for you. Since we're talking about animals... Have you lost your fear of dogs? I really hope you did. You can't live like that forever. Nobody should live in fear.

I hope you have a stable job, the job you wanted since High School and that you're happy about it. Translation, was it? The degree you wanted to take at college? Yes, it was. I remember very clearly. You need to start believing more in yourself. You can do this!

I hope your love is as strong as it was ten years ago. You're so lucky, you have no idea! What about marriage and kids? Did it happen, already? Honestly, I hope it didn't. You're so young! You have plenty of time to have children of your own.

Now, tell me about books... How many do you have? 100? 1000? Yeah, I know you're an obsessive reader. You always were. I don't expect less than your own library at home.

Anyway, I hope everything works out fine. You deserve to be happy. Actually, everybody deserves happiness. Just live your life and do the things that make you happy. You won't regret it.

Read again at Wednesday, 30th September 2026

If only I could end it once and for all...

It looks like I deserve to be alone.

I push people away from me without even noticing. I'm annoying. I can tell that people get bored around me. What's the big deal, anyway? Why am I like this? Why is my mind so fucking complicated to understand?

I suddenly start to cry. At first, I thought I had no reason to cry... But then, I remembered the huge amount of reasons and I cry even harder.

I can't stop the tears from falling off my face. I'm perplexed.

No one wants to be with an insecure person who only cries... How can I express my feelings if even I don't know what I cry about? It's painful...

Anguish... There's anguish all around me. In my body, in my soul, in my heart, in my brain.

It's meaningless. Everything happens at the same time.

If only I could end it once and for all...

人は失敗から学ぶ。

人は失敗から学ぶ。

People learn from their mistakes. That's what I always tell myself.

I would say that some people aren't capable of taking a lesson from them. I'd really like to know why it happens. Sometimes you might hear that there are no second mistakes because you learn from the first one. Therefore, the second time you make the same mistake, it isn't a actually one; it's something different and called "a choice".

If you think about it, you will notice that people are just too distracted, nowadays. They don't stop to remember if their actions will afect others. They don't even think about others before thinking about themselves.

I try my best not to hurt anyone (I even prefer to hurt myself instead of making others suffer), but I feel like I don't get the same feedback. I have to admit that it drives me insane.